Artwork: One Year After

A year ago, on April , I had this thought and feeling on matter where I am as an artist, in visual art scene/field.

And I think now, I'm grateful for the decision I made.

While wondering should I step off from visual art scene, and carry on with my own - without realised I'm allowing myself to experience new things, new stuff out of my thing - art.

On June, I decided as I'm learning to accept and letting go, that maybe visual art scene was just not my place.. I love art, and in matter of love it, I mean the process of making and the feeling that I got when working on a piece of drawing or illustration, sometimes sketching. But I just need to go along with the reality of life and my reality on my daily basis.. It was a tough decision for myself, as an artist, as myself who loves art, drawing since little.. But after almost 10 years, I just feel like, it's time. And I was so okay at the time as recall it now.

The feelings that I got was, a reliefs. I felt thing just finally done, something like "for this time, it's alright", like that, kind of.

I announced it on my IG story, and the next few days and weeks, things felt lighter.. Rolled up all my artworks that unfinished, I tied them all, and placed them, stacked, in a box. I remember the feeling right there - it felt like things just done, finished and it's alright, I tried.. That's how it felt like. But true is, I missing my character in my artwork, Knight Head - a mascot that I developed for almost 10 years although my Knight Head not really almost 10 years but it develops within those period. I realise that I do miss it. And also how I do miss when come to exhibit my artworks.. But at the same time, I don't feel bad or frust, it was just things felt lighter..

1 year now, already.. It's crazy. It's somehow, somewhat surprising and thing that I grateful for. Not only for my self growth, but I learned a lot, new things, and new circles, and too, stories of people's and their life, journey of what they go through to be able to be who they are today.

Overall, it's beautiful, yet still, whatever downs like I went through in visual art scene, I too believe it all also exists in any fields and scenes. I think, I'm gonna keep on with what I'm doing now. And maybe share part of it here..? Maybe..

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